Well people, spring is here.
While I love the signs of the world waking up with the green leaves, endless flowers and pollen dusted cars, a small part of myself cringes. Spring and fall are my most favorite seasons. So why cringe?
Summer is my least favorite. By far. And it's on its way in a hurry.
Summer in Austin is like living in a humid sauna with a bunch of ridiculously tanned and fit people, all wearing tiny clothes. Right when we moved to Austin last summer, all of the health stuff kicked in, and I was incredibly uncomfortable (and insecure) wearing shorts, tank tops, really anything summery. I was having insane hot flashes and would sweat profusely in the air conditioning, so venturing out was out of the question.
I was also 30lbs heavier. And feeling pretty low about myself. Now, I am on the up and up and trying to shake the fat girl feeling. I am shrinking slowly, but definitely still have lots of lumps and bumps, as well as some really weird extra skin hanging out in very visible places.
With cooler weather clothing, I have been able to artfully disguise the parts of me that are still changing, and I have grown very accustomed to being more covered up. Now that the temps are rising by the day, I'm having to come to terms with a lot more of this new figure being exposed.
I also realized that I beefed up my fall and winter wardrobe, and nothing from the last two summers fits. By a long shot.
I guess there is a part of me that thought by this time, I would be back to 'normal' and I wouldn't be worrying about buying a whole new crop of clothing in larger sizes. There is a little bit of embarrassment, a little bit of defeat and a lot of determination to return to my normal size.
|Zebra print? Or Crazy squiggly line print?|
|Shirt: NY&Co (2008) Skirt: Old Navy (2012) Belt: Forever 21 (2012)|
Sandals: Charlotte Russe (2011) Bangles: Forever 21 (2012)
Aviators: Gas Station Purse: Thrifted (2012)
So, I will be venturing out to find some more transition clothes for the upcoming heat and humidity, as well as a very cute one piece that I can wear shorts with. Excuse me, I believe I just threw up a little.
Pray that I don't have a completely unhinged moment and that the shop girl doesn't find me rocking in a corner in the dressing room. Drunk and crying. Because right now, that's what my Saturday is looking like.