Survivor of the Juice

21 May 2012

I survived. It was pretty easy though. I quit 5 hours in.

I know, I know. Wuss.

I think that in hindsight, it was a stupid idea for many reasons.

1. We had too much good food in the house
2. It was right in the middle of the work week.
3. It tasted disgusting
4. I like to chew my food.

Here's how it went down. We picked up the juice from the juice cafe and had our inaugural first sip. I gagged, Micah swore. He took it like a champ and guzzled it down. I plugged my nose and shot it down. Still holding my nose, I rinsed my mouth with water and splashed a little mouthwash in there for good measure.
Pardon the poor quality. I wasn't taking
this photo more than once.
This went on for a few hours, until I got to work. Once at work, I had to cram my chug sessions in between appointments. If I wasn't careful, I would walk out of the bathroom either smelling of plant death or with glowing red teeth and a Joker-esque smile from the beet juice. Let me tell you. That scares the hell out of kids. 

 After the yuck factor had thoroughly set in, I started to notice that every time I bent over to pick up something or get up off the floor, I got insanely nauseous. Now, I don't know if this was from the taste or lack of solid food, but I was in a bad place. I just couldn't continue without affecting my treatment sessions, so I told Micah I was backing out and we could try again on the weekend.

I did learn a few interesting things from my little foray into juicing. Too much beet juice can make other things... well. Very red. It's alarming. Your burps smell like mulch. You will crave anything that you can chew. Cardboard? Cut me off a piece. Dog treats? I'll take 3!

 Now, I am not someone who likes to give up. I'm already scheming for my next cleanse, on a weekend, with a nose plug.

20 comments:

  1. I admire you for even attempting the juice cleanse! I enjoy eating food WAAAAY too much to try something like that!

    -Sharon
    Enter my giveaway!

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    Replies
    1. Seriously. It was rough. I didn't realize how much I liked chewing food until this!

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  2. Haha, you are hilarious. I'm impressed you had the will power to have any more after the first taste!

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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    Replies
    1. Well, I think that if I was locked in a room with only a sink and a toilet, I could do it. But don't put anything I can chew near me. Because I will.

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  3. Hahaha ahhhhh I couldn't do it either! Kudos to you for at least attempting! I imagine things would go exactly the same for me. I am starting today a 10 day cleanse from advocare & if you're a good pill-taker I'd recommend it! I SUCK at taking horse pills it's hilarious but I am trying!! Tons of water and no carbs, alcohol etc. just veggies & protein for 10 days!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I wish I could, but I have a VERY strong gag reflex and swallowing Advil is difficult for me. So horse pills are a no go. I can't even have prescription meds... I have to get the pediatric liquid mixes. :(

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  4. Have you tried an "Elimination Diet" before? I did one where every 2-3 days you elminate something unhealthy out of your diet. So the first few days no fast food, processed food, or sugary foods. Then after a few more days, no diary. Then no meat, etc etc. After about 2 weeks you gradually add things back in but you'll feel so healthy you won't want to add it all back in! You also start each day with a Master Cleanse drink (tastes like spicy lemonade really) which is much much easier going down than some of the juice blends out there! Good luck with your future endeavors! Thanks for being brave and posting regardless of your outcome!

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    Replies
    1. I haven't! I have considered Master Cleanse as well. I think once I settle into a routine with my work schedule, these things will be easier to plan out! Until then, I chew my meals :)

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  5. Replies
    1. Bahahahahahaha seriously! I saw this and actually cracked up in my office, and vowed to write you back. If they could puree chicken fajitas, I'd be sold.

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  6. This post made me laugh! I have always wanted to try juicing but have been scared of it for all of the reasons you've cited. I would love to know if you tried it a second time!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I would maybe start with a less intense recipe and ease my way into it. It was hard going from eating Nutter Butter's the night before to drinking cucumber, beet and kale juice. *Shudders*

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  7. ahhhhh. That sucks. you're a trooper to want to try again!

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    1. Thanks! I think next time I'm going to go somewhere to do it so I'm not tempted by all the goodies in my house/city/country. Albania, anyone?

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  8. I have been wanting to try some sort of cleanse too! (I want results, FAST. Not this whole slow and steady crap haha). So, I am excited to see if you try this again how it works out! From the start, it sounds pretty terrible! Good luck if you try again!:)

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    Replies
    1. Amen sister. I will most definitely be letting everyone know if I attempt this beast again. At least the next time around I'll know what I'm getting into.

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  9. your suggestions are great, bold and versatile.

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  10. I absolutely love your witty and funny style of writing, Brittney. You're awesome. :)

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  11. You are hilarious! I felt like I was there, and I have been there but then I just give up and eat something!!!

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