The Part Where I Ugly Cried Down The Aisle

30 May 2012

Our ceremony consisted of Calvin and Hobbes quotes, Dr. Seuss vows, snotty tissues and lots of laughter.

There weren't many tears leading up to our wedding day. I was fairly collected, almost numb to the hustle and bustle of the last week of wedding planning and the stress of managing so many people for one big day. 

When everyone left the bridal room and took their places in the chapel, I sat there by myself in my flowery white dress, and really panicked. Not because I was scared to marry Micah. Quite the opposite. All of the stress, all of the time, all of the money came down to this moment. I also realized that everyone would be looking at me. 

Lots and lots of beady, tear filled eyes on me. I was the kid who covered her ears and hid under the table when people sang Happy Birthday to me at my party.

Instant panic.

So I turned on Florence and the Machine, danced around my bridal suite and played quite a few games of Free Cell on my computer to calm the nerves. It was time to walk down that aisle, and I was pumped. 

The attendants opened the door, and I felt myself make a "AUHP" sound and went to cover my face. What was that?? I put my bouquet down and took a few steps. Another "AHUP" noise. Um? I tried putting the bouquet down and out came the tears. And snot. 

So I started what looked like my walk to the electric chair to my future husband. Luckily for me, he didn't wait long. I made it just under half way down the aisle and stopped and he met me there and let me boo hoo it out for a second. I was a frackin mess.

Notice how all of the photos are from the back? That was the last command that I uttered as I walked down the aisle, purple as a grape and praying no one was catching my ugly cry up the aisle.

Once we got up there, I was mostly composed. My nose, however, felt that it still needed to let some more out, and continued to run for most of the ceremony. My mom caught on that I was needing reprieve of the snot lining my upper lip and had a tissue passed up all 8 bridesmaids. 

I handed the tissue back to my MOH and she was clearly pleased with that move.

Because some people have asked why I chose to walk alone, here is why:

 I have a biological father and a step dad. My step dad adopted me at 16, but we were never close. We were civil at best. He left my mom for other women in an ugly divorce my freshman year of college, and it tore all of us apart. He explicitly said he didn't want a part in my life, as I technically wasn't his child, and I respected that. We mended fences shortly before the wedding, but the damage is still there. My biological father and I didn't and still don't really know much of each other.

For me, tradition is something to be followed only if the tradition fits the situation, not simply because the tradition exists. The father gives away the bride as an act of symbolism, saying "I've been the man in her life, the example to her up to this point. I showed her what a good man is, and taught her how to conduct herself in a relationship. I have approved this man for her and nurtured her and guided her in this relationship."

None of those things applied. I chose Micah, I spoke to my stepdad maybe once throughout the relationship, and I made the decisions that led me to marry him. So I thought it fitting to walk myself down the aisle, as I didn't need anyone to direct and support me in my decision. I chose this for myself and wanted to stand alone in my decision.


  1. I'm obsessed with this story. So sweet. And hilarious. And wonderful!

  2. Wow I'm so glad you told that story. Not that I rejoyce you cried at your wedding, but because I'm certain this will be my exact story in a couple of months. We are getting married in March and I'm already stressing about the fact that I will cry. For. Sure. I'm a cry baby. I cry very easily, if I'm upset, if I'm stressed, if it's just plain sad or moving. Ok, so I'm not the only who cries, the problem with me is that I can't stop once I've started. I've already warned my MOH that she was responsible for shaking sense into me.
    I haven't been to many weddings before (it is not very common to get married anymore where I am from) so I do not have a lot of references from brides. I saw one bride cry when she had to say her vows. And I personally cried at all the weddings I went to. So I can only imagine at my own. Oh well, it's our day so I'll try to ignore the fear of being judge. Hehe.
    Thanks for sharing. Makes me feel less nervous!

  3. What a beautiful church, dress, bride, etc! How lovely~thanks for sharing!

    The Mrs. and The Momma

  4. Aww, that is so sweet that you sobbed walking down the aisle. That was pretty much my biggest fear on my wedding day. Oddly enough, I think I was so nervous that I wound up not shedding one tear! I did see my hubby before the ceremony though, which helped tons.

    Enter to win a clutch!

  5. I totally was about to lose it up the aisle... so touching that he met you half way. I'm about to cry again! ahh

  6. as someone who only knows you from a random airplane ride to Washington, I must say, I'm curious as to why you walked the aisle alone. Is that too personal of a question?

  7. That is perfect :-) I love it!!! Beautiful post by the way :-)

  8. I love how Micah met you down the aisle...I have goosebumps Britt!!

  9. Aw, I LOVE this story. It's so sweet that you cried the whole way down the aisle! I was surprisingly calm on my wedding day.. my MOH however, sobbed the entire ceremony, haha! :)

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

  10. you looked so amazing!! I balled my eyes out all the way down the aisle as well ... i is a hard and yet amazing time. congrats to you both!

  11. The picture of you guys hugging in the aisle brought tears to my eyes. SO EFFING SWEET.

  12. What a beautiful church! It's absolutely stunning!! Your dress is amazing too. It's so much fun to look back on your wedding and reminisce.

  13. Britt, the first part of this post made me LOL, and the second part made me equally parts melancholy, and saying "right on, girl!". I've been struggling a lot with tradition as my Mr. and I have gotten more serious and it looks like a wedding might be in the works at some point, and I absolutely love your take on it. Like you, I dislike tradition for tradition's sake, and feel like some things just don't apply to me. It sounds like your wedding was absolutely incredible ... thanks for letting us live a little bit of it through these posts!

    Mini Me Style Blog

  14. I can't even put into words how much I love this post. Such a beautiful story and even more beautiful photos. :) You two are lovely together!

    - ashley

  15. Hey Brittany, thank you for sharing this wonderful story. :) I thoroughly enjoyed it! I got Lauren and Kayley's details about the AMAZING CEREMONY; but it was wonderful hearing it from you. Beautiful pictures as well.

  16. I am walking myself down the aisle too, for many of the same reasons. Your dress is magnificent!

  17. I'm walking myself down the aisle too, for many of the same reasons. Your dress is magnificent!

  18. I love what you said about tradition in this post, very beautiful and inspiring! You look so amazing in that dress and great pictures!

  19. oh britt... such a great storyteller. i laughed AND cried. the pic of micah walking up to you and then holding you... lost it. so precious. i wish i could have been there. so lovely. just like you.

  20. This is such a sweet story. :) Honestly, when/if I get married I'll BAWL down the aisle. Guarantee it. And then we'll be in the same boat!

  21. Oh, that's one of the sweetest things ever. When he came to meet you in the middle of the aisle? It just made me go "awww." I love it. And now I'm secretly hoping that's what's in the cards for my wedding day, too. Minus the runny nose, maybe.


  22. OH he is so cute for meeting you halfway. And ringing the bell of the chapel together. Love it and you both. Beautiful pictures!

  23. Wow! I think I may have cried just as much just reading about it! So sweet and beautiful; thanks for sharing!

  24. loving these pictures - and what a sweet (or snotty maybe is a more appropriate word) story :) thank goodness for mothers who pay attention right?


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