Oh, Baby.

17 September 2012

I originally had another post for today, but something happened in my life and I had to share. 

On Friday I got a call from my oldest and closest friend. She broke the news that she's expecting her first child, due this spring. As soon as I saw her name pop up on my phone, my pulse started racing and I just knew she was calling with the news. I had to hold back tears of joy the entire phone call, as I probably used up all of my allotted crying at her wedding. I'm beyond thankful they didn't have a videographer!

After hanging up the phone, I instantly started cleaning anything I could get my hands on. I dusted, swept, scrubbed sinks, whatever I could to get myself together. That wasn't working, so I called my mother and promptly burst into tears. Shit just got real.

Just as the wedding mania has settled down in my circle of friends, I find myself surrounded by babies. Cousins, old roommates, best friends. All making and having babies. This might sound funny, but for me, marriage is big, but babies are huge. We date, breakup, and meet new people. We practice this ritual until we think we have it right. At some point, we finally pick one person that we know we can be with for the rest of our lives. The good, the bad, the ugly. We know them before we commit, so we're prepared for life with another person. That person.
Making babies is an entirely different thing. It's bringing someone into this world that we know nothing about. We have never met them, spoken to them, touched them. We aren't guaranteed their health, their happiness, their success or their affection. We aren't combining two lives; we're making a completely new one from scratch. There is a hell of a lot of responsibility in not only making a new life, but guiding and protecting it until our last breath. As women, we give not only our hearts, our time and our freedom to this new person, but our bodies as well. This person we know nothing about moves in us and pushes our limits far before we ever lay eyes on their face. That's a lot to be in charge of, and it scares the living daylights out of me.

I remember walking around our home a few days after we adopted our second dog, Prana. I kept saying to Micah, "I can't believe she's ours. It's hard to believe that she really will be with us until she leaves this world." It was such a change to have another life that Micah and I were now responsible for protecting and providing for, as well as a change in the dynamic of our home. Granted, this is only a dog we're talking about, but it was an adjustment nonetheless.

I guess I find myself a little in shock. Sure, a large majority of my friends are now married. As am I. For me, it felt like we all just had our permanent relationships in place. No more breakups, no more horrific dates, and another pair we could count in for a couple's trip or date nights. Babies change up the game plan. They really make us 'grow up'. We have to become infinitely less selfish, with toys scattering the floor instead of discarded heels from a night out, a car seat in the now Cheerio dusted car, a vast knowledge of PBS Sprout programming. It is no longer just people in love who decided to make it more than Facebook official. It's a new life with a new title.

Parent. Mom. Dad. Grown Up.

In all, it just seems to be the final step in growing up. It's the most exhilarating and terrifying step to make and I applaud anyone who makes the decision to do so. I can't say this is something that I want for my own life, and maybe one day I will explain why. But for now, I stand here with my semi-grown up pants on, watching the rest of my friends make those last big steps toward marriage and parenthood. My role for now? Babysitter, extra set of hands, crazy aunt. And I couldn't be happier.

Also, this Tumblr pretty much makes my life right now. Perfect for anyone who isn't a smug married person with 2.5 kids in the 'burbs. And maybe for them too. 


  1. This was soooo beautiful, Britt. Really, really well put. You perfectly described the wonder (and terror!) of becoming a parent, and I loved these lines: "It's bringing someone into this world that we know nothing about. We have never met them, spoken to them, touched them. We aren't guaranteed their health, their happiness, their success or their affection. We aren't combining two lives; we're making a completely new one from scratch." I never really even thought of it that way, but you said it so well. Great post this morning. :)

  2. This post totally sums up how I feel about this! I know I want to have kids someday, but I can't shake the feeling that I (and everyone else my age) isn't old enough yet, which I know sounds silly to a lot of people. I think it comes down to what you said: this is the last step to being a "grown up" and I'm not ready for that just yet!

  3. This is a great post friend...it is all becoming real for me too, since my sister is 36 weeks pregnant. I still feel like we should be running around my parents house, cuddling with my dad, and reading stories together...and she is going to be a mom! I just can't even imagine how the dynamics will change, I know it will be for the better, but like you said, it is something we know nothing about until we have the baby. You can learn to change a diaper, swaddle a baby and buy all the top of the line baby gear but until that baby is born, it is the unknown. Loved this!

  4. This is a great post. I think these EXACT SAME THOUGHTS all of the time. You bring this little person into the world that you know nothing about that is such a huge responsibility and life changes so much. It is almost too much to wrap one's head around before it actually happens.

  5. I love this! I never thought of adding a child into the mix this way, but you are so right! This is why Dave and I told ourselves we wanted at least 5 years being a married couple before we brought kids into the mix...as much as I want kids, and lots of them, I know that once you have the first things change forever.

  6. Very sweet, Britt! I hear you. I still can't believe that I'm growing up, let alone my friends who have 1, 2, 3... and even 8 kids!

  7. this is such a beautifully written post that expresses all the things i feel about...procreation? yes. while i am comfortable with the idea of someday being in a place where marriage is the reasonable/desired/right next step, i cannot yet wrap my brain around making and having babies. maybe it's an age thing--most of my friends haven't quite hit the marriage period yet. however, my boyfriend, who's a few years older than i, seems far more comfortable with babies than marriage. what's up with that? you want to bring someone brand new into your life but you can't see yourself committing to someone you know completely and love? buh. growing up problems.

  8. Loved reading your thoughts on life changes. Good for your for thoughtfully contemplating your choice to become a mother. It shows you'll be a great mother if you ever do decide to become one. =)


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