Getting Personal

26 March 2012

 Time to get a little more personal. And personal ain't short.

I have been wanting to lose this weight for so long. And now that I am, I'm finding it's hard to keep up with my clothes! As I shrink, everything I've bought in the last year isn't fitting quite right. So I need a couple of days to put some things together. In the meantime...

I am still working on finding a balance with this blog. I want to share more, but then worry about backlash or overexposure. I have so much more going on than putting clothes together, or figuring out how to wear belts on my stumpy waist. The last year of my life has been such a personal struggle amidst such a new and 'happy' time as a newly wed and recent Master's graduate.

Back in February, I began a sort of hormone replacement therapy to fix what the evil Yaz (birth control) did to my body.

Before Yaz: October 2010
I was a happy and healthy size two, I rock climbed and ran multiple times a week, was constantly on the move. I had just gotten engaged to the most amazing man, was planning my wedding, finishing up my Master's degree and getting ready to move across the state! I laughed often, cried little and was always up for an adventure. Sounds great, no?

Fast forward to August 2011
When I finally decided to get off the stuff, I was a size 12, was so weak I had trouble shampooing my own hair (that was falling out at an alarming rate), couldn't open a jar to save my life, and an irritable, emotional mess. I felt squishy, doughy, achy and exhausted. I had horrible hot flashes, night sweats that soaked the sheets, crying jags in the middle of the night, I was a road rage nightmare. I ceased being affectionate, was even repulsed by it. I wasn't just 'out of shape' 'frigid' or 'borderline homicidal.' Something much deeper, much more complicated was going on, and I didn't know what to do next. Basically I was a living terror going through menopause at the tender age of 25.

What. The. Heck. 

I was so confused, so scared, so unsure what to do next. I was in the middle of a crazy internship, where I worked non stop, and had no time (or money) to take off for a doctor's appointment, much less several to figure out how to undo the damage. My emotional and physical state was damaging my self esteem, my confidence, and most importantly, my marriage.

Poor Micah. He had no idea what hit him. One minute I was an angry, frustrated and stressed out wife. The next minute I was sweating through my (now very tight) clothes and crying because we didn't have any milk. Not normal, and certainly not healthy. The crying, not the milk. No worries, it was skim.

I was irrational, shut off, burned out and just plain over it. Over everything. It was so hard to explain, so difficult to make people see what was really going on. Sure, some people said I looked 'a little puffy' or maybe noticed I wasn't motivated to do anything anymore. Liars, liars, pants on fire!
The night of our engagement, and the week I started Yaz.
I know, we're a special pair.
Me in September of 2011,
at my largest and most unhappy.
That dress hides a multitude of sins.

February 2012
I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. My internship was over, and I found that I actually had time to start the long road back to normal. I spent weeks looking for a doctor that would really listen to my story, my symptoms and understand that something was seriously wrong. I met with both an OBGYN and a Family Practice physician, and over the course of a month, had multiple blood tests and exams to determine what exactly went wrong.

Just days after Valentine's Day, I got my answer. My hormones were on a riot, and I was invited. They determined that my Testosterone was lower than a 75 year old woman's, and that my immune system was in overdrive. My body was attacking itself, and I tested positive for Lupus symptoms. So I began a course of topical hormone cream that I rubbed on like lotion multiple times a week, and continue to do so today.

And I have noticed a world of difference.

First, I can now put on my size 2's again and button them! I nearly cried the other day when I slid them on and could actually snap them shut. In December, I could maybe get them a couple of inches above my knees. Granted, if I sat in them now, I might blow a seam or bust an organ, but I'm getting there!

My mood has greatly improved, and I find myself being much more interested, engaged and excited about life!I have a renewed love and affection for my husband, my hair is coming back, and I can shampoo my own hair! I am incredibly shocked and excited to see all of these negative side effects melting away. I am just now starting my second month on the treatment, so I'm sure more is in store. 

And the doctors said that as long as I don't grow a beard or start sounding like Cher, I can continue! 

So all this to say... 

I am finally so excited to see what the future holds. Life was scary, marriage was beyond trying and I was losing hope in feeling like a normal human being ever again. My clothes may not be fitting as well, but this time it's a good thing. 

That feels incredible to share, and thanks for sticking with it. 
Now back to regularly scheduled programming!


  1. Hi Britt, I just found you through your nice comment you left over at my blog :-) I read your story and I'm glad you are feeling better now. It reminded me a lot of my own history with hormonal contraception. I found a site especially about Yaz, Yasmine, Petibelle and all the brand names... Let's just say after reading it the thought of stopping that mess altogether came rather easily! It's always good to know one is not alone. I hope you continue to get better, and back to yourself :-)

    1. Thank you! Yeah, I was very hesitant to go on it, but I knew kids weren't something we wanted, especially right after marriage, so I got on it. Instead I got an entire new set of problems! Luckily, I was able to catch it before it really spiraled out of control :)

      A lot of girls out there think they're the only one going through hell with birth control, so I thought I'd share my story and explain further why I am working so hard to find my style again!

  2. Girl, keep it up!! You should be so proud of where you are now! You are back on the road to awesome-ness!!!
    Because Shanna Said So

    1. Aw thank you! I can definitely say I've been to hell and back on this one, and so excited to see the upswing of all of this!

  3. Thanks for sharing with us! It sounds like such a horrible, tough time in your life. This story is making me consider getting off my current BC and swtich it up (currently on Loestrine 24). I have hot flashes like crazy person at night and my mood is def. not regular. I feel bad from my husband sometimes! I never concidered it would be my birth control though. You've given me something to think about!

    Happy things are looking up:)

    1. Yeah, I think birth control is so tricky with what works for each person. If you're feeling 'off' and your mood and body are telling you things aren't right, listen to them! Just be aware of what's going on, and keep track of symptoms. I started seeing major changes and my marriage was suffering because of those changes, and I knew it was time.

      I'm starting Paragard, the non hormonal copper IUD. Google it, it seems like such a better alternative than fake hormones!

  4. I'm glad you're feeling so much better, Brittany! I think sometimes people who didn't know you before didn't understand why you were so concerned about your weight because some of us (me for example) have a baseline of size 10 pants. Size 2 to size 12 is a crazy scary jump in such a short period of time, though. I hope things continue to get better for you! :)

    1. Exactly. I know this may have come across as whiny or vain, but you knew me through the worst of it all, and I think a lot of people can't grasp what that feels like to watch your body blow up like that!

      Since you're so much taller, you can carry a 10 and look much thinner (which you do) than someone at my height. And with me being only 5'4", a size 2/4 is about normal for me because of my height and frame. I am not a curvy girl by nature, and so a size 12 on a short, straight framed girl was no bueno.

      And when can I see you again miss??

  5. I am glad you got to the bottom of the problem before it spiralled out of control. Thanks for sharing your story, and congratulations on your 'new self'


  6. I love getting personal with you! Thank you for opening up about this, I love when bloggers are real about the way the feel, look, love, etc. What a whirlwind of a year you've had girl!

    1. Thanks girl! Yeah, it was scary writing the post, and I felt a little sick when I hit 'Publish' but it's all out there now! I hope it gives readers a closer look into my life and why I'm doing this!

  7. I'm SO glad you're posting about this. What an incredible struggle you must have gone through feeling totally out of control of your body and being stuck along for the ride. You're so brave for reaching out for help and for talking about your process here on the blog.

    On my own blog, I've been sort of talking about my struggle with depression, trying to get help, and a similar feeling of helplessness in my own body.

    You're truly inspiring and I can't wait to read more!


    1. Aw thanks girl! It felt good to get it all out, but scary to put it out there. I think that blogging is an extension of who we are, and sometimes its good to put the ugly out there to balance out all that sweet :)

      I think it's awesome you're putting yourself out there, and you'll find so many people who share your experiences. Depression is a hard thing to open up about and I commend you for sharing such a private struggle!

  8. Oh my goodness. I am so glad to have come across this post. Yaz absolutely SCREWED me over. I never really recovered, even after three years of being off of it. What an inspiration - congrats! :)

  9. LOVE. This was just such an amazing post of this stuff.. I was completely off any hormones for 5 last years, but had to start pills again last November. Well no more of me, I just had to say that I have felt similar things as you except not that radical. I'm slightly afraid to even weigh myself, good thing we don't have a scale at home. I might just blame the pills and I just need to excercise more or something, but your stole really moved me. I read the whole thing.

    Yep, back to regular schedule :) But it's so nice to read personal texts, too. To get to know the person behind the blog, at the other end of electric lines ^^

    Have a great day,

    - Indie by Heart

  10. I really love your blog! The way you share your experiences can give inspiration to people. <3

  11. This is a great story to share and if anyone has anything negative say send them my way - I can be VERY intimidating :)

    More women need to share about their health experience because as corny as it sounds, knowledge is key and sharing is caring. The more we share, the more we know, we learn. Someone could be going through the same problems and two minds working at a problem are a lot better than one.

    I am so happy to hear that things are getting better. Happiness is contagious and this makes me smile :)

  12. Exactly! I put this out there not as a 'woe is me, look at my lardy behind' but to share what a lot of others might be experiencing as well! I have had so many people email me or comment on here about what they're going through with their birth control, and I am so glad I could give them someone to relate to. I remember when I was in the thick of everything, I was literally stalking internet forums to see if someone else was going through this too!

    Granted, I got most of my answers and most helpful resources from a forum on menopause, but whatevs...

  13. Thanks for sharing your story! I also feel uneasy about sharing personal things about myself with my readers, but I feel like it somehow wouldn't be honest if I didn't show the good and the bad (at least honest to me). And their incredible support and kind words completely made up for my hesitant feelings.

  14. Wow! I think the personal posts are the ones that resonate with audiences the most. Kudos to you for sharing. I saw a commercial the other day from a lawyer leading a class-action lawsuit against Yaz. Did you hear about that? Sounds like you'd definitely qualify!


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