Survivor of the Juice

I survived. It was pretty easy though. I quit 5 hours in.

I know, I know. Wuss.

I think that in hindsight, it was a stupid idea for many reasons.

1. We had too much good food in the house

2. It was right in the middle of the work week.

3. It tasted disgusting

4. I like to chew my food.

Here's how it went down. We picked up the juice from the juice cafe and had our inaugural first sip. I gagged, Micah swore. He took it like a champ and guzzled it down. I plugged my nose and shot it down. Still holding my nose, I rinsed my mouth with water and splashed a little mouthwash in there for good measure.

Pardon the poor quality. I wasn't taking
this photo more than once.

This went on for a few hours, until I got to work. Once at work, I had to cram my chug sessions in between appointments. If I wasn't careful, I would walk out of the bathroom either smelling of plant death or with glowing red teeth and a Joker-esque smile from the beet juice. Let me tell you. That scares the hell out of kids. 

 After the yuck factor had thoroughly set in, I started to notice that every time I bent over to pick up something or get up off the floor, I got insanely nauseous. Now, I don't know if this was from the taste or lack of solid food, but I was in a bad place. I just couldn't continue without affecting my treatment sessions, so I told Micah I was backing out and we could try again on the weekend.

I did learn a few interesting things from my little foray into juicing. Too much beet juice can make other things... well. Very red. It's alarming. Your burps smell like mulch. You will crave anything that you can chew. Cardboard? Cut me off a piece. Dog treats? I'll take 3!

 Now, I am not someone who likes to give up. I'm already scheming for my next cleanse, on a weekend, with a nose plug.

Death By Juicing

I have never been someone who 'diets' or goes on quick weight loss binges. 

After everything that has been done to my liver and hormones from the meds, I think a juice cleanse would be great to jump start my system and motivate me to get everything back to business. I mean, after 3 days of suffering and enduring borderline starvation, I have a feeling Snickers won't be quite so appealing when considering I'd have to do it all over again to stomp out the candy trail left in my system. 

I attempted this once before when my mom gave me her Jack Lalanne Juicer. I had delusions of grandeur, skinny jeans and bikinis when I brought it home. I sent Micah on a veggie buying spree and wasted a good bit of money and fresh produce. The first morning, I couldn't figure out why the damn juicer wouldn't turn on, so I skipped it and went down the street to a juice cafe and ordered their most potent (and fruit free) drink. 

I'm a balls to the wall kind of girl, what can I say.

I took one sip and promptly dry heaved, then spit the concoction out the window of my moving car. Thank heavens I didn't take a sip in the store. I went home and added some lemon to the mix, hoping for resolution. No such luck. It tasted like dirty band aids. I dumped it down the disposal and gave up.

So, starting today, Micah and I will be beginning a 3 day juice cleanse that I found via Lauryn at The Skinny Confidential. I will wrap up the experiment in Monday's post, and you'll get to read all of the nitty gritty details, as well as all the sugar starved musings of a woman possessed. This will be a true test of our marriage as it falls only two weeks before our 1 year anniversary.

{For up to the minute updates, follow me on Instagram @thesecondhandmagpie! and Twitter @secondhandmagpi} 

Three days of juices, eight ounces every hour for eight hours, lots of water in between & lean protein with veggies after 6 pm.

Day 1: Fresh 7 Liver & Kidney Detox

Blend 6 apples, 6 beets, 6 tomatoes, 6 large carrots, 6 pieces of celery, 6 cucumber, & 3 juiced lemon together [ 8 oz. every hour for 8 hours ].

Day 2: Fresh 6 Green Drink

Blend 6 apples, 6 pieces of celery, 6 whole cucumber, 3 large ginger roots, 3 heaping handfuls of parsley & 3 heaping handfuls of spinach together [8 oz. every hour for 8 hours ].

Day 3:  Fresh 9 Super Colon Detox

Blend 6 beets, 6 large carrots, 6 pieces of celery, 6 whole cucumber, 3 handful of ginger, 3 juiced lemons, 4 heaping handfuls of lettuce, 3 heaping handfuls of parsley & 4 heaping handfuls of kale [ 8 oz. every hour for 8 hours ].