Oh, Baby.

I originally had another post for today, but something happened in my life and I had to share. 

On Friday I got a call from my oldest and closest friend. She broke the news that she's expecting her first child, due this spring. As soon as I saw her name pop up on my phone, my pulse started racing and I just knew she was calling with the news. I had to hold back tears of joy the entire phone call, as I probably used up all of my allotted crying at her wedding. I'm beyond thankful they didn't have a videographer!

After hanging up the phone, I instantly started cleaning anything I could get my hands on. I dusted, swept, scrubbed sinks, whatever I could to get myself together. That wasn't working, so I called my mother and promptly burst into tears. Shit just got real.

Just as the wedding mania has settled down in my circle of friends, I find myself surrounded by babies. Cousins, old roommates, best friends. All making and having babies. This might sound funny, but for me, marriage is big, but babies are huge. We date, breakup, and meet new people. We practice this ritual until we think we have it right. At some point, we finally pick one person that we know we can be with for the rest of our lives. The good, the bad, the ugly. We know them before we commit, so we're prepared for life with another person. That person.

Making babies is an entirely different thing. It's bringing someone into this world that we know nothing about. We have never met them, spoken to them, touched them. We aren't guaranteed their health, their happiness, their success or their affection. We aren't combining two lives; we're making a completely new one from scratch. There is a hell of a lot of responsibility in not only making a new life, but guiding and protecting it until our last breath. As women, we give not only our hearts, our time and our freedom to this new person, but our bodies as well. This person we know nothing about moves in us and pushes our limits far before we ever lay eyes on their face. That's a lot to be in charge of, and it scares the living daylights out of me.

I remember walking around our home a few days after we adopted our second dog, Prana. I kept saying to Micah, "I can't believe she's ours. It's hard to believe that she really will be with us until she leaves this world." It was such a change to have another life that Micah and I were now responsible for protecting and providing for, as well as a change in the dynamic of our home. Granted, this is only a dog we're talking about, but it was an adjustment nonetheless.

I guess I find myself a little in shock. Sure, a large majority of my friends are now married. As am I. For me, it felt like we all just had our permanent relationships in place. No more breakups, no more horrific dates, and another pair we could count in for a couple's trip or date nights. Babies change up the game plan. They really make us 'grow up'. We have to become infinitely less selfish, with toys scattering the floor instead of discarded heels from a night out, a car seat in the now Cheerio dusted car, a vast knowledge of PBS Sprout programming. It is no longer just people in love who decided to make it more than Facebook official. It's a new life with a new title.

Parent. Mom. Dad. Grown Up.

In all, it just seems to be the final step in growing up. It's the most exhilarating and terrifying step to make and I applaud anyone who makes the decision to do so. I can't say this is something that I want for my own life, and maybe one day I will explain why. But for now, I stand here with my semi-grown up pants on, watching the rest of my friends make those last big steps toward marriage and parenthood. My role for now? Babysitter, extra set of hands, crazy aunt. And I couldn't be happier.

Also, this Tumblr pretty much makes my life right now. Perfect for anyone who isn't a smug married person with 2.5 kids in the 'burbs. And maybe for them too.